I am having one of those days. You know, those days that send storm clouds but omit the rainbow; days that are not content until they have you curled up under in a ball, crying bitterly into your pillow. Of course, days are not conscious beings. They cannot knowingly inflict pain or cause chaos. No, that is Satan’s department.
There have been a stressful chain of events on this gray winter’s day but every lack-of-sleep induced mistake pushes my stress threshold past its maximum. Still not feeling well only adds to my inability to cope with anything more.
My daughter shows no signs of slowing down but I cannot keep up with her right now. She is in one of her whiny moods, skillfully avoiding being put into any situation that signifies nap time by protesting loudly. In the meantime, she is into everything she can get her hands on.
I know the truth, even in the storm, that God can shine through the gloom and shield me from the elements. He wraps me safely in His arms and says softly “I will take care of you, my child.”
This is a good reminder since being a stay-at-home-mommy and wife leaves me feeling at times like I am so busy taking care of everyone else, but no one is taking care of me. When I get sick, like I have been this week, it can feel like the household erupts in a frenzy of unwashed dishes, mountains of dirty laundry and clutter. Our daughter does not know that anything is different so she continues her routine, which at this point is centered around “me”. Feed me, Mommy. Now, Mommy! I want that toy! No, that toy! Hold me, Mommy! I’m tired! Feed me! Mommy! MOMMY!!!
This week has knocked the wind out of me.
Looking back at how the days unfolded, I can now see where God was outstretching His arm, sheltering me from the cold, driving rain. The moments when my strength was spent and my husband did the dishes without me asking; those late nights when he stayed up with our baby so I could sleep or came home from work with take-out because he knew I was not up for cooking. God used my husband to make my load easier.
God also sent my father to take me to the walk-in clinic, so my husband did not have to miss work. I got antibiotics so I could begin healing. My parents watched Natascha for me most of the day on Wednesday and not only did my Mom make lunch but she also put a large pot of homemade chicken soup on, so that we had dinner for the next few nights.
Today is one of those days. I cried like a baby but when I lifted my tear soaked face from my pillow, God sent my husband to wrap his arms around me for Him. My husband lifted me up in prayer and then took me by the hand and insisted I get some food into me (my medicine has made me very queasy).
I hope today gets better. I hope I am feeling better. But above all I just hope that I am enveloped in God’s loving arms, able to see where He has given me moments to breathe and recoup and not all the ridiculousness that happens in between.
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