Rows upon rows of cosmetics fill drug stores, boutiques and many major retail chains. For my wedding my mom and I hunted for the perfect shades to enhance my features. We searched through blues, purples and greens for the right eyeshadow. We dug through concealer for the perfect shade. When the special occasion arrived, my mom dolled me up and I walked down the aisle. I felt beautiful. It only took a light layer of foundation, a brush of blush to each cheek, three neutral eyeshadows on my eyelids, two thin lines of eyeliner, mascara and rosier lips to get me to feel beautiful that day. But I felt beautiful. Of course, as emotions ran high that day, so did my eyeliner. The supposedly endless lipstick, ended around the reception and my hair started to droop. Suddenly, I was feeling a lot more self-conscious. Then, he looked at me and the twinkle in his eyes let me know that he thought I was the prettiest girl he knew. To him, my new husband, I was the most beauiful girl in the room.
Most make-up I end up buying is for special events, such as the above mentioned. I don’t wear make-up on a daily basis. The same look my husband gave me that day, he gave me the next day too. I wasn’t wearing make-up, my hair wasn’t even done up, and I was wearing simple shorts and a T-shirt, but he still thought I was the prettiest girl. I try to accept that compliment. He still looks at me that way a year later but I constantly look in the mirror and exclaim "Ugh, I’m ugly." I’ll then proceed to point out the excess skin forming under my chin and how round my face is getting. I look at the tummy that, while was never toned was at least flat, is now rounded. I frown at the reflection and grimace as I try unsuccessfully to zip up another pair of pants. I drag myself to the bathroom to check the scale…110. Yeesh. I never thought I’d break 100. I’ve always been thin and at times not a healthy thin. It was never because of image, but other health issues. Now, I find myself afraid to make that sundae because it’s gonna go straight to some part of my body, that really doesn’t want it. Don’t get me wrong, I like to eat food. There are lots of great meals out there…like pizza:) Besides, I’m not overweight, I am completely within my healthy weight range and also if I worked out a bit, I’d be a able to take off a bit of the roundness. I would be a lot more healthy too. What can I expect to look like if I sit around all day, feeling sorry for myself? If I don’t get up and do something I’m not going to getting in shape. Sometimes…and only sometimes, I miss gym glass. There are many things I want to try like tennis or raquetball. I miss going for walks around the block with my mom. The point behind all this is, I’m not fat by any stretch. Yet, I look in the mirror and think "I’m fat!" Do I actually believe this? On occasion. How I perceive myself helps a lot.
That leads me to the point of this blog. How do you perceive beauty? For weeks now, there have been advertisements on tv for America’s Next Top Model. As it grew closer to the premier I realize I was interested. So last night, as eight "o" clock appeared on the clock, I quickly swtiched the channel to the new CW. The show starts up and I hear Ray behind me say, "Can you turn that off?" I must confess I snapped back with "WHY?!" He finally answered that he wasn’t sure the content would be good and the noise was bothering him. I grumbled, too embarrassed that I was actually taken in by the glitz and glammer. For the first half hour I sat, my eyes fixed on the screen. It amazed me how young these girls were. I’m only 20, but many of them were a year or two younger. My mouth dropped at how they were genuinely beautiful girls to start with, yet after make-up and hair…they were models. Like I said, they were beautiful to begin with but nothing out of the ordinary. A splash of make-up, the right hair do, some sexy clothes and they were off to a photo shoot. Part of me was skeptical that any of them could ever have felt ugly, yet the other part of me knew that no girl is immune to the lies that Satan weaves.
So, is beauty a tall, slender, young woman with glossy hair, rosy cheeks and dark eyes? Or is beauty like the young Japanese women in Memoirs of a Geisha? Is beauty the "plain janes" of the world, is it size, skin colour or maybe attitude? God says He created us all in His image. You can’t get more beautiful than that. We all have our measure of beauty though and lately it seems I am trying to live up to someone else’s standard. After a day planted in front of the tv, watching actresses all dolled up, and seeing what guys seem to be attracted to, I end up feeling like I could melt into the couch and no one would care. Then Ray comes home and gives me a smile. Beauty. I tell him he’s beautiful sometimes, because to me beauty is more than looks. It’s not just meant for women either.
Beauty is a state of being. I watched the girls in my senior class that the guys seemed to keep their eyes on. Each of them were confident and outgoing. They were optimistic and made you laugh. They were all-around fun people. I honestly can’t tell you whether I would’ve been in the running had I taken some more pride in my appearance, or smiled more than I sulked. I think I would’ve had more friends though. Yes, taking a comb to your hair and cleanliness are both factors in helping you feel beautiful. You have to start caring about what’s inside you first. The times when I look in the mirror and say "Hey, I’m actually kinda cute" are the times where I am feeling good about myself. I did some Tae Bo that day, painted my toe nails or had an extra long shower. When I truly feel alive and well I have taken the time to care about myself. I read the Bible that day and re-connected with God, I resisted a sinful temptation or raised my voice in praise. Nurture the inside too, because in the end that is all that matters.
What do you have on the inside? You can paint the outside of a box to look like a rose garden, but if the box contains a rattlesnake, is that beauty? When people get close to you, is your natural beauty enhanced by a glowing personality or simply a few nip tucks? I’m not saying it’s wrong to wear make-up or do your hair up fashionably. I’m saying there is more to it than that. Will I grow old gracefully, loved by the friends I have and revered as beautiful because of the love I show them? Or will I grow old with not a wrinkle in sight, but a hardened heart inside and vanity ruling my life? This is not to say all women who get plastic surgery are wretched inside, it is merely an example. When I go and stand before the throne of God, He is not going to give me points for my lovely eyeshadow technique or for how thin I am. He’s going to look inside me.
I hope that He will see beauty in me. I know I have Christ living in me, and I strive to show others the beauty living within me. When that beauty shines through, I know it is Him. That, is a lasting beauty. Don’t scoff at the idea of beauty being from within. It may sound cliche and a gentle way of saying "You’re plain or ugly" to some, but I assure you, you are beautiful. No matter who you are or where you are. No matter what standard of beauty everyone else holds, in His eyes, you ARE beautiful! When you look in the mirror today, smile. Try keeping that smile on your face, imprint it on your heart and soon that joy will shine through as beauty. It sounds simple, may sound corny, but it is true. Care about your appearance but not to the point of vanity. Take pride in who you are without being conceited. Above all, I hope you’ll seek to let Him shine through you and if He is not already residing there, let Him into your heart. Let Beauty shine through…not the Beast.
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