When Pink’s latest music video started playing on Yahoo music, I was about to hit "never play again." Then I found myself intrigued by the parodies of famous celebrities she was mocking. I even thought it was funny. That is, until she got to the interlude of her in the bathroom with some other girl who is making herself throw up in the sink. Not only did it make me squeamish, but the whole point of the song is to describe "Stupid Girls." When it snapped back from the bathroom scene to the song, and had her parading around as Paris Hilton in a mock sex tape I immediately turned it off. Instead of feeling ashamed for buying into the song’s content, I was disappointed that a parody that was going so well was marred by profanity, throwing up and a mock sex tape. "It could’ve been a good song" I reasoned. However, the song came to my attention again today and I was disgusted. How could I have even reasoned that the rest was ok, outside of those blips? Those "blips" are the point of the song, the driving message. Girls who go out of their way to create an image for themselves through clothes, friends, bulimia, etc. are just stupid.
I suppose it has helped reading Natalie Grant’s book about finding her true self in God. She struggled with bulimia, and she makes no secret of it. Living a life where her physical features were under scrutiny led her to believe some ugly lies about herself. She describes her inner conflict during a photo shoot where the photographers and make-up artists were all pointing out how they could make her appear thinner, hide her freckles, and airbrush the rest. It made her feel small and to gain control in her life, she ran to the bathroom and made herself throw up.She felt like she had gained some control back in doing this each day, several times a day. It was not just about looks, it was deeper. I spent three weeks in an eating disorder ward. I was living with people who were skin and bones because they were either anorexic or bulimic. It was horrifying to see what they did to themselves and that they really believed that that was beauty, and they were still too fat. My heart broke for them. I was 76lbs upon admission to the hospital. I was not starving myself to look thinner, I hated how I looked. I felt like my bones would jump through my skin and I was hungry. When it came time to eat though I often closed up. I just felt sick, so I would refuse to eat. It got to the point where I just didn’t care about myself. I was depressed, anxious and feeling really low. Taking care of myself was not worth it anymore. I willingly accepted the admission to the hospital, but when I finally arrived and they started treating me as if I were lying and hiding something I grew quite upset. I had nothing to hide. I wanted to gain back my weight. Sure, a part of me like any girl did not want to be fat, but it was not about that. It was an irrational fear that prompted me not to eat. It’s not a flattering image of myself I just portrayed, but it is true. I screamed and made my mom feel terrible for leaving me there. They threatened to put me in a "time out" room, my first few moments there. What an impression. Dealing with people who do not understand the spiritual realm is a pain. They got me back up to a healthy weight, but they did nothing else for me of much use. In fact, I felt worse about myself in that place than out. I kept hearing the repeating message from staff and patients "If you get out of here, there is a great chance you will return." I even watched one girl released while I was there, who came back later on during my stay. For some, I think it was a safe haven. To go out into the world, and deal with the constant bombardment of "Did you gain a pound?" or "Wow, now that’s beauty" is a tremendous challenge for someone dealing with such a poor self-image. I did not like being catagorized with people who starved themselves to be thin. I liked food. I was just afraid of a lot of it. What if that chicken wasn’t cooked properly? What if this makes me nausea worse? It was a whirlwind cycle, topped by the fact I am a picky eater. I had issues of my own that were not being dealt with, especially on the level that they needed to be addressed. An eating disorder may sound like something you’ll never find yourself prey to. I hope not for your sake. However, I do not think it makes one stupid to be under the influence of one. It means they are being lied to. They are taking in the media, taking in the whispers of peers, recording the images of the airbrushed beauties in magazines and listening to the lie that "That’s what you need to be to look great. This will make you feel great. You will be in control." It’s easy to be tempted to say "Well, if I skip breakfast it won’t be too bad" or "That was a heavy meal, maybe it won’t hurt to throw it up." That sounds terrible to me but I have been in bondage to a different set of lies.
Both men and women want to be accepted. Sure, at first glance of the video mocking Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan I was chuckling to myself thinking "Yeah, that’s true. Funny." At second glance, although I am not a fan of either of those people, I would be curious to know what goes on in their heads. What consumes their thoughts to believe that being flat-chested and bony is sexy? I could be wrong, but I am sure they’ve developed their own patterns of trying to fit in. They listen to the lies Satan whispers and don’t even realize it. Some may call them stupid, but I really feel badly for women who throw themsleves out there. Do they really feel validated dancing in next-to-nothing next to some rapper in a music video? Does it give them a high or a feeling of worth and beauty? I know I like to feel attractive, especially as someone who is told constantly she is cute. I am nineteen, it gets old. I try not to be so vain as to pick out clothes that are revealing and tight to draw attention, but that is because I believe in modesty and feel very uncomfortable in such clothing. But think about the lengths you’ll go to get something you really want… Wearing a tiny little tube top, and dancing inappropriately with a bunch of people isn’t like you’re sleeping around. It’s still wrong though. Stupid? No. Deceived? Yes. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has the ability to say no. For some it is easier than others. If you don’t have God, trust me, it is going to be especially hard. What reason do you have to say no to pre-marital sex for? If it is just a conviction you hold on your own, how will you back it when you’re cornered?
I don’t know how I ended up on this whole lecture. That one scene in the bathroom particularly bothered me though. It is not the smartest decision in the world to force yourself to throw up simply to rid yourself of calories. You’re also ridding yourself of all the nutrients. That’s not the first thing on someone’s mind who is bulimic though. Someone who is suicidal…someone who is depressed…someone who is a cutter…they’re all listening to the wrong voice. God does not whisper thoughts of overwhelming pain into our ears. He does not remind us of all our failures. He does not encourage use to punish ourselves or to take control of our own lives. If you’re hearing anything negative, be assured it is not of God. God is love. If that voice is telling you to do something against God’s word, than it is not God. He will never ask us to use an ungodly method to achieve a godly outcome. The choice of listening to the wrong voice may be stupid, but the people who are allowing it need to take responsibility for their actions and choose the right path. Listen to God’s loving description of you "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27) We are reflections of God’s beauty. He loves us without measure. Cling to the truth of His words. You are not alone, and you’re not stupid.
Leave a Reply