The Hard Way (ie: How I Learned Everything) is the title, and subheading, I gave to the book I wrote for my kids. This endeavor was something I actually started writing for my kids as my project for NaNoWriMo in 2024. I met the word goal at the end of that November but still had a lot more to say. However, without the word count tracking and the deadline of the now, apparently, defunct annual writing challenge, my drive to finish was no longer as strong. In this case, adding it to my Forty Before Forty list actually worked out! I finished the first draft and made it into a PDF, so that I could read it with my two teenagers before all of the stories and advice I had to share became less impactful.
I am not about to paste the entire book here for everyone else to see, because there are a lot of very personal anecdotes that weren’t meant for anyone but my family to read. It’s bittersweet to write something so niche, because I am proud of what I accomplished but can only share it with a select few people. However, I can share some snippets and, of course, the cover art. My husband suggested the D20 with a 1 as the roll as a visual representation of my hard-learned lessons. It was nerdy and accurate, so I rolled with it. Heh, pun-intended.
Coming in, so far, at just over 92,000 words, this book has been a labor of love. It will likely be expensive, but I would like to edit it, and work out some of the mistakes I made, and then get a few copies printed. If possible, it would be satisfying to hold my own book in my hands. I did write a picture book for my son several years ago, and had a copy printed for him, but it’s the only copy. I have honed my art skills a lot more since then and acquired some better art supplies as well, so I would like to attempt another picture book in the future. Until then, I can be proud of what I wrote for my kids and be glad that they have so far appreciated listening to me read it to them.
~I cropped the bottom off of it because it had my full name on it.~
The dedication at the beginning says:
“This book is dedicated to [my daughter and son], who inspire me to continue learning from my mistakes so that I can be a good example of what to do, not just what not to do.”
I wrote a letter to the kids as the introduction to the content that would follow. Below is a sampling from this letter, as well as a couple of blurbs underneath some of the other headings.
“…Some of the cautionary tales inked across the following pages will be familiar, and some will be new to you, but they will all center around how life is full of opportunities to grow. It doesn’t always have to be the hard way, but God definitely knows this child of His tends to veer that direction more often than not. If I can spare you some of those hard lessons, then this will be a worthwhile venture. I know you will both make your own mistakes. Some things that are common sense aren’t as commonly known as they ought to be, and we (the human race) are also often sinful, stubborn individuals who sometimes go the hard way thinking it will be different for us, or because we don’t buy that the “consequences” are as awful as they’re made out to be.” (The Hard Way, p. 6)
- Be very careful who you confess sins to.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23 NIV)
“…We all have a propensity to share our sinful acts with others in one way or another. For some, it is on their knees in repentance before God, a priest or pastor. Some solemnly confess their misdeeds to a parent or caretaker, or under oath before a judge. Others divulge the nitty gritty of their sinful lives to anyone who will listen as if it’s a badge of honor. It’s a tale to tell of a life lived to the fullest, without a care in the world. As a society, we celebrate this behavior and laugh at what is written off as youthful antics and indiscretions that are part of growing up. Even after we shake off the shackles of our youth and embrace adulthood, the world has a muddy view of morality. So, what happens if you have a sin weighing on your heart and you decide to confide in your closest friend, but they don’t see the issue with what you did? What if they laugh it off and try to comfort you, and you start questioning the severity of the burden that was weighing so heavily on your heart a moment ago?” (The Hard Way, p.24)
- You are not as grown up as you feel.
“By the end of the tenth grade, I had just begun dating my first boyfriend, I was halfway through high school, and I was feeling pretty mature. In some ways I was, but the areas I still needed oodles of growth in far outweighed them. Who wants to admit that to themselves, though? Least of all a teenager who is testing how far their wings can spread, and just how far they can take them. You’re stuck in a body thrumming with pesky hormones that inflict physical and emotional effects, which make the whole adjusting to more responsibility thing both thrilling and aggravating. It’s exciting to be allowed to stay out later with friends, but it’s not fun to be responsible for picking up more slack around the house or being assigned larger school assignments. The emotional war between your inner child and the adult you imagine yourself growing into can cause you to butt heads with your parents. I would know… Not just as your mother, but also because I was a mouthy kid, testing my boundaries at one point.” (The Hard Way, p.29)
I went on a journey writing this book. I figured it would be one of the more difficult things to check off of my list, but I am heartened to see that I persevered and made it happen. My kids are turning sixteen and fourteen this year, so the window to give them some advice from their own mother’s stumbling footfalls was closing. I am glad that I made it through on time! Thirteen more items to check off, with about three months and change left, but I am trying to be optimistic and proactive (since optimism alone won’t accomplish my goals).
Goal Accomplished: March 3, 2026
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