A little boy lost his life this month in an unfathomably tragic way. I cannot even begin to know the pain his family is now enduring, yet the world is quick to point fingers, to blame someone for the loss of life. It was the resort, it was negligent parents; everyone knows there are alligators and death traps everywhere in Florida, including the “the happiest place on Earth!”
I sit here tonight, restless and heart aching for any parent who has had to endure the judgmental accusations of people who were not in that moment with them. Do negligent parents sometimes result in harm or death for a child? Yes! But would people be throwing stones at me too if my daughter had drowned two years ago?
Two years ago, my family of four joined a group of friends and relatives for a week-end at Disney’s Wilderness Campground. Our campsite was a reasonable walking distance from the campground’s pool, so we gathered up the mountain of towels, change of clothes, diaper bag and all the other essentials you end up toting everywhere when you have a toddler and a baby in tow. My sister-in-law, along with her husband and baby were with us as well.
We let my three-year-old daughter explore the enclosed water play area designated for the youngest campers, keeping a close eye on her while her little brother stayed with me. She charged up the steps and down the small water slide several times, thrilled to bits with the splash she made at the bottom.
The adults wanted some time in the pool itself, so we gathered up our belongings and I secured my son in his stroller. The first order of business for me and my husband was to grab a flotation device for our daughter. There were vests on pegs to the left of the enclosed splash area provided for guests.
Everyone else shuffled out before me. I was pushing the stroller and watching my daughter run up ahead to be by her Daddy, I then looked down just long enough to make sure I was not going to slam the gate on any tiny fingers or kiddos. When I looked up again my daughter was not by her Daddy. I called out to him and soon a chain of confusion and worry began as none of us knew where she was.
My heart pounded painfully in my chest, gaining speed as I surveyed the crowded deck and pool for my little girl. Everywhere I looked I saw people but my pint-sized blonde was nowhere to be seen.
My sister-in-law wore a horrified and panic-stricken expression, that probably mirrored my own, as she ran around looking for her niece. I do not know how much time elapsed between losing my daughter and finding her once more but it felt ever so long.
A lady by the pool saw me in distress and asked what was wrong. When I squeaked out that I could not find my little girl, she followed up with asking if we had told a lifeguard. My brain was hazy but that made good sense, so I again scanned the crowd and marched over to the first lifeguard that I spotted.
Just before I reached the man entrusted to keep watch over the sea of people beating the Florida heat, something else caught my eye. I turned and was simultaneously elated and frightened to see my daughter in the pool, coughing, and being carried to the edge of the pool by a stranger.
As I approached I heard the lifeguard yelling at the man about how she was supposed to have a life vest and the man retorting that it was not his kid.
That exchange bothered me then and it bothers me now. We fully intended to get one for her! She disappeared before we could. Moreover, that man just did the lifeguard’s job.
My daughter was obviously shaken. We all were! So, I wrapped her up in a towel and I whisked her away to a nearby picnic table where I just held her and cried. I had no idea what had happened until later on, when her uncle filled us in on the details he was able to acquire from a couple who saw the ordeal unfold from a different perspective.
Apparently, emboldened by the ease with which she was able to use the small water slide in the splash pad area, our three-year-old had marched up to the full-sized water slide that winds its way into the deep end of the pool. She had pushed past everyone in line and had a grand old time on the way down, but when the slide emptied her into the pool she had gone under the water. When one of the swimmers saw she was not immediately coming up he promptly grabbed her, which I believe is when I entered.
I cannot remember if I thanked that man, but thank you, stranger! Thank you for being my eyes when my daughter ran away!
If she had not been rescued that day, though, I have every confidence someone would blame me. I cannot have my eyes on my daughter every second of every day. She slipped past other adults and an entire group of people waiting for a slide that did not stop her, wondering whether a three-year-old should be going on the slide alone. It was the perfect storm of circumstances.
By the grace of God she is here, though. And it truly must be by His grace because we sat on the beach that night to watch the boat light show and I did not think once, “I bet there is an alligator lurking in those dark waters!” I was more concerned about the darkness itself; my head was on a hyperactive swivel because of the afternoon’s event and I was terrified I would lose her at the beach amidst the gathered crowd.
I did not think about gators on my night trecks to the campground bathroom, but I did think of snakes…I have seen those warnings on the doors of campground bathrooms enough to always be wary. Simply living in Florida made me wary! Man, I hate snakes…
The point is, I cannot operate trying to constantly think of every danger that may arise, whether someone else thinks it is a no-brainer or not. I expected gators in retention ponds, or in the creeks along the road but for some reason that fear did not cross my mind when trying to navigate the overwhelming world of a Disney campground.
However, children get away from us in the literal blink of an eye, the brief turn of a head. They do not possess the common sense they rely on us to provide. We all know that if the little boy had got away from his parents and it resulted in the same outcome, that his parents would still be blamed.
After all, we are all better parents. We console ourselves by convincing ourselves we could or would never possibly make such an erroneous judgment in parenting. But since no one on this planet is perfect, I am inclined to believe no parent is perfect either. This means mistakes happen or that the little imperfect beings we are entrusted with the care of make questionable choices that a parent could not have predicted. Some tragedies are preventable, while others are horrifically sprung on us and we go over it in our minds again and again trying to point out finger so we know how to make sure it never happens to us.
Children can choke on foods that are not in the most-likely-suspects group.
A child on a bicycle can still be injured while wearing a helmet.
A child can have an allergic to something they had not previously had an allergy to.
Your child will manage to wriggle away on more than one occasion and always go for the most interesting item or event, often regardless of potential danger.
Children count on us to be their extra eyes and ears. They rely on our senses to make sure the bath water is not too hot, the food they are gulping down is not spoiled, and it is now safe to cross a busy road.
But sometimes they think the water is too hot anyway, we do not know of the harmful bacteria lurking in the food we just spooned into our babies’ mouth and large trucks come barreling down the road while you are safely crossing in the crosswalk with the “walk” lit up.
Sometimes truly negligent parents result in the death or harm of a child. There are people who have children that inflict purposeful harm on them and cause severe bodily injury or death. Yes, there are some people who have no right to be called Mommy and Daddy.
I think we are all, me included, too quick to cast judgment on our fellow parents, though. Even before I was a parent I had all sorts of notions. “I would never do that,” I would scoff. Now? I have had enough small incidents, such as the story I shared with you about my daughter at the pool, to realize that parenting is a terrifyingly complicated and beautiful job.
Let’s lift one another up instead of pushing each other down. And let’s remember that there is very real grief and guilt enough for a parent that loses a child to an accident of any sort without our hateful criticism and self-righteous claims.
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