Story of my life these days: I blink and large portions of it vanish. I close my eyes at night and awake to this empty feeling of "What of any merit or note did I accomplish yesterday? Well, today’s a new day, I’ll start now." Rinse. Repeat. It is the same old tired tale from morning to morning…except there is an element to this morning’s groanings that has been absent for a few months. That is, I am scared out of my wits.
My brother moved down at the beginning of May to stay with my husband and me. We set him up in the spare bedroom, expecting that he would be moving into the home my parents bid on by the following month. That deal, however, fell through, seeing as they never received the "yay" or "nay" in regards to their offer. And so, a couple weeks turned into two months. Then, the school year finally wrapped up and my parents were able to move down as well. Being unable to explore homes from a distance, they were left to frantically house hunt for the first week or after they landed at my front door. (Wasn’t shaping up to be much a vacation!) That is not to say that we did not try do the long-distance house tours. My brother and I met the realtor at a home, took pictures from every angle in all the rooms. We zoomed in on any repairs that needed to be made or issues that should be addressed (like, "Why is there a big yellow spot on the ceiling? Does that mean the roof needs repair?"). Actually, my parents ended up bidding on that home as well, but their offer was not accepted. Even after they got here and took on the role of hunters themselves, this would be a common theme.
About the second week in July they finally received word that one of the sellers had accepted the amount they presented her. Hallelujah! We were all elated…but then of course comes oodles of back and forth with contracts, banks, blah blah blah. I could not be in the real estate business for a living! The lady that served as their realtor is the same that sold us our home. My sister and her husband also used her as their realtor. So, after being privy to the latter two’s several-month-search for a home and my parent’s week long process, I am even more in awe of how God orchestrated our home buying. We found ours on the first day out. It was the second to last house we looked at that day and I fell in love (so-to-speak) with the kitchen. The patio, clean, white bathroom and three spacious bedrooms helped as well. My husband loved the huge, fenced in backyard. It had so much potential, we were so disastified in our loud, unsafe neighborhood and the price was right so we said "We’ll put in a bid and see what happens!" What happened? God happened. The seller counter offered and then we got it. We got the house! Shortly thereafter we started to show signs of buyer’s remorse, which is what I think my parents are experiencing now, but it passes. It is just the next logical step down from all the hype, excitement and stress that led up to the big closing day.
My parents closed on their home this past Friday, which is about the same time frame as us, if you don’t count the fact they spent about four months waiting to hear on a house that never ended up getting that "yay" or "nay" from (which quite frankly is the bank’s loss…they were paying in cash and the house is now on the market for exactly what they offered). Point is, God is ever present. I know they will face some strife but I will not say: "Welcome to being a home owner!" People readily pointed that out to us when our roof started leaking, the water pump blew, our bedroom got flooded etc. It is not encouraging! It is about as helpful as "Well, that’s life!" I think we just say things like that when we do not know how to console the person we are talking to but it really is not the answer either.
If you were paying any attention to the opening lines of this blog, you are likely wondering what all this has to do with the fact that I am scared. Honestly, not a whole lot. Not the nitty gritty details of the matter anyhow. The broad point is, that for the past three months I have not had an empty house in the morning after my husband left for work. For those three months, the aforementioned refrain was "What of any merit or note did I accomplish yesterday? Well, today’s a new day, I’ll start now." Now? I am alone with my thoughts…and the Enemy’s jerk tendencies. So, shrug it off? Pray! Yeah, I have been. I just thought I would write for awhile though. It has always been cathartic for me. So, if you sat through this amazing display of succinctness, I think it best I let you in on something: You’re not alone. Wait, what? Nope! God is watching over you right now. He is omnipresent after all! And He loves your more than anyone else on Earth could. Yep, more than the men and women who lay down their lives, your husband, wife, mother, father or even your best friend. They may love you very much, and people can show extreme gestures of love, but God never ceases to love us. His love is perfect. How could you feel frightened and alone while someone so powerful, who epitomizes love, is watching over you?
Because I am so horribly human, my friend. You are not alone. That means, I am not either. The very same God watching over you is watching over me as well. May I endeavor to find peace in this simple truth and may you as well! I know there has to be an awesome feeling of freedom once you grasp hold of that truth and refuse to let go…because I have tasted it. I have grasped it. I just keep letting go. I suppose the important part is, that I keep striving for it. I will never hold onto it if I stop seeking that peace I desire.
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