I watched Happy New Year, Charlie Brown a week or so ago. After it ended, the television station began playing a movie but I was unsure of which one it was. Soon I discovered, it was Sleepless In Seattle. Something inside me was wary, saying I had seen this movie before and disliked it. However, nothing seemed familiar about the opening so I found myself interested. My husband returned home from a quick errand to find Charlie had signed off for the evening and Tom Hanks was instead gracing our TV screen. We decided to make some popcorn, curl up on the couch and watch the movie.
As the movie wrapped up, I was struck by the fact I had indeed seen part of this film…the ending! (FYI-There are gonna be spoilers…) Two hours or so of my life was wasted; at least that is what I thought at first. The more I thought about it, the more I decided to take a lesson from Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks: The world’s "love" is all about feelings and it’s wrong.
In Sleepless in Seattle, this woman (Annie) hears the heartbreaking story of a man (Sam) whose wife passed away and is struggling to "move on" (aka: date, meet someone new). Sam’s 8-year-old son is concerned for his well-being and had called into a radio talk show and thus the country is now privy to his father’s emotional turmoil. The radio show only refers to Sam as "Sleepless in Seattle", though. Annie finds herself fixated on this story of a man who cannot sleep at night and has nothing but sweet things to say about his deceased wife…nevermind that she is engaged. She strings along her fiance, a bumbling sort of fellow, but kind and loving nonetheless. She does struggle with the situation… trying to balance logic and emotion, but in the end fails; after all, the sparks in her relationship with the man she is going to marry are gone. There is someone new and exciting out there. He could really be the one!
Then there’s Sam, who in all honesty, is not a real winner. Just because he has a sob story, which I’ll admit got me in the beginning, does not make him a great guy. He had somewhat of an idea of what true love is it seems, but it is shrouded by his casual approach and offhand comments about sex, like bragging to his son about how many women he slept with in college. Still, he catches a glimpse of Annie in an airport and is intrigued. After all, when you touch someone’s hand or see them for the first time…you just know. I for one, do not believe in LOVE at first sight. Sure, you may have some strong emotions elicited and think "Wow, she’s breathtaking" or "I really want to get to know her" but that does not equate "love".
If you have seen the movie, and even if you haven’t you pretty much know where it is going from the start, you know that the movie ends with this big climatic scene with Sam, his son and Annie on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, their clandestine meeting finally underway. After all the build up, the two strangers gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes, exchange a few niceties (and a brief clarification: she is the woman stalking him, he is the sleepless, Seattle dweller.–My words, not theirs.) Sam and Annie walk off in a daze, gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes and that is it. That’s it?!
I spent two hours, only to watch two people butcher what true love even means. Am I to assume he married her? Call me a cynic, but the only thing I could imagine was a year or so down the line, "Gee Sam, the fireworks have ceased…I am gonna go find someone else". Sleepless in Seattle is not the only culprit in preaching the wrong idea about love. Many romantic comedies have it all wrong. If you base an entire relationship on feelings alone, and I say alone because there are some sparks in the beginning and they’re exciting, then you will find yourself struggling as time wears on.
My husband and I have been married for just over three years now. The heart flutter when we kiss or brush hands is not always there. We will never have another first kiss together, but we love each other immensely. Love is action. Love is a commitment. Regardless of whether I feel in love with him, he is my husband and I made a promise to remain by his side for as long as we both are living. If I based this on being "in love", this marriage would have been over a long time ago. Being in love is the fluffy, romantic part of a relationship. You can fall in love with your spouse over and over if you give yourself the opportunities, but that stems from truly loving the person to begin with and wanting to work through the hard times. ‘sigh’ I am not very good at explaining some things.
Just remember, that true love is about action and if you are curious as to what that means, there are several good definitions of love in the Bible. Here are a few that my Sunday School teacher shared with us:
Love is kind.
Love celebrates godliness.
Love is patient.
This is simple and yet so profound if actually put into practice. I wish I was able to have all of them going at once. Boy, would my husband feel loved! Unfortunately, sometimes I throw them all out the window in an argument or a moment of anger…but I get back up and press on. You are not always going to feel like you are in love with your significant other but do not let that decide whether or not you love them. Throw out the love lessons learned from Annie and Sam. Take your lessons from the strong, lasting relationships around you and more imporantly the Bible. A lot of the time, those two go hand in hand.
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