Sherry entered the church with her eyes desperately avoiding contact with all other eyes. When a lady at the back handed her a bulletin she hurriedly took it, thanked her, and hastened to find a seat. There was a spot in the back pew, in a corner where the light streaming through the stained-glass windows did not seem to hit. This is where she found herself, as the organ sang out and the pastor welcomed everyone. When they all rose to sing, she sunk deep into the pew. No one seemed to notice, so she remained until the end of the hymn. However, after the pastor prayed and everyone was once again seated, they were asked to turn to another hymn. Anxious, Sherry picked up a hymnal and mouthed the words to the song. She was afraid to actually let noise come from her mouth, let alone a joyful one. A few ladies stood up front and played Trust and Obey on violins and piano, while one of them sang. It sounded beautiful musically, but Sherry only heard the words and looked down, hoping no one else caught on that it was directed at her. As the service progressed, it came to the offering. She felt the crumpled up dollar she had in her pocket. The ushers were passing the plates, but there was still plenty of time before they arrived at the back. Sherry discretely got up and headed toward the ladies’ restroom. She heard the sound of clicking heels coming her way. The only place to go was in a stall, and that is where she hid. “Why did I even come to church? There are people everywhere…How can I avoid all of them? ,” she asked herself. She heard the stall door next to her close, and promptly flushed the toilet to not arouse suspicion, ran the water and peeked into the sanctuary. They were just finishing up a prayer and about to sing another hymn, when she slipped back into her seat. However, as she prepared to sink down when everyone stood, a little girl across the way pointed at her, and whispered something to her mother. The woman gave a disapproving look and joined in with the song. Sherry looked at her tattered jeans and well worn shirt. “I should have known this would only draw more attention,” she thought to herself. The little girl had now alerted her brother to Sherry’s presence and the two were staring over at her. Their mother shooed them back, but they kept leaning back, and snickering. Tears started to form in her bright green eyes, but she hid her face behind her long locks of unwashed, brown hair. The sermon began. She leaned in intently, as she had been waiting for this moment. However, his words seemed to be foreign. It was embarrassing she thought, to be a sinner and in church, but now she did not even seem to speak the same language. “He’s been speaking English, and the bulletin seems to be English…but, Oh, I don’t understand,” she frowned. She realized the pastor was indeed speaking her language, but she did not understand what he was saying still. It was something about sins and fire. He mentioned a reference and Sherry grabbed the Bible she had received for Christmas, many years ago, and attempted to find the verse. A girl her age, sitting in the next row, turned to see what all the page turning was about. Sherry turned bright red and closed the Bible. The girl turned back to the front, but a minute later looked back again. This time she handed Sherry a piece of paper with a note scribbled on it. It had the page number of the verse she had been frantically searching for, and it matched her Bible perfectly. Knowing Sherry would be curious, the girl gently lifted her own Bible in view of Sherry. They had the same one! The girl smiled but her mother leaned over and whispered in her ear, then the girl whispered back. Whispers now went between the mother and father. It all ended with nods from each family member, in turn. The pastor shouted some more about fire and sins, as Sherry slowly read the verse before her, “Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, but those who are righteous will go free.” (Proverbs 11:21) Sherry was certain that the girl had been mocking her with her parents, knowing the verse was directed at Sherry. It was too much and as she gathered up the energy to dart out the back, the pastor invited anyone who was not saved to come to the front of the church, to accept God’s forgiveness. Her body grew rigid. She froze in spot; the only thing racing was her heart. Sherry felt her face grow warm and tears making their escape trickled down her rosy cheeks. She felt every eye turning toward her, and her heart beat faster. It was apparent that she was the only one in need of forgiveness. She was saved, but she wondered how God would still want her after all the terrible things she had done. Everyone must have known she did not belong there, but she just could not move. No one went to the front. They were all waiting on her. Her heart ached. Why was the pastor waiting so long? She could not go up front. It was physically impossible. Time was frozen for sometime before a well-dressed man, sitting the second row, made his way down the aisle and knelt at the alter. Suddenly Sherry let go of her pride and looked over at the woman with the two children. The woman looked back, smiled, touched the arm of her husband and the two got up and made their way to the alter as well. Sherry knew what this meant. She shook from her head right through to her baby toe, but she managed to get there somehow. The lady wrapped her arms around Sherry. Sherry let the tears freely flow, and wept, “Mom, Dad, please forgive me.” She looked down at the tiny bump, with a life growing inside and watched as her mom touched her tummy and her father said “All is forgiven. Who are we to hold a mistake against you, when we have made many of our own? Jesus died for all of our sins. He forgave us for the sins we have not even committed yet. We love you, Sherry.” The three huddled together in prayer.
In actuality, it had not been a long wait. The disapproving look had been because of Sherry’s sitting away from her family, and the two little kids were her siblings, being silly. The girl in front of her was her best friend, and they had lost touch when Sherry found out she was pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby. She had been humiliated and did not think she would be accepted back into her friend’s life, let alone the church’s life. Sherry’s hair was glossy and curled and she had a beautiful complexion. Things were not how they had appeared. However, when guilt is eating away at your soul, it feels as if the whole world knows what you have done. Sherry was not too far along, and her dress was full enough to not warrant suspicion, but it was a small church. She had not been to church since she found out, and the shame she was suffering kept her from believing anyone would forgive her, and afraid that God would shun her. Everything in church felt brand new and foreign at first, because she was convinced she did not belong. She also felt her dollar bill was not enough to give to the church, especially because of the sin she had committed. Her parents reassured her that though they did not condone what she had done, that she was still their daughter and they loved her immensely. “Nothing will change that fact that you are our beautiful daughter,” her father softly kissed her forehead, “That’s how God operates. Once you are adopted into His family, you cannot be removed. You are a child of God, and no matter what you do, you will always be a child of God and He loves you unconditionally.”
Her mother chimed in, “Yes, and don’t worry about being accepted into the church. There will be people who do not know how to look at you the same, or will even think less of you, but do not let those few stand in the way of those who are willing to aid you in anyway they can. You made a mistake, dear, but sin does not have to rule you. You have repented, you are forgiven, now use this to council other young ladies who are in your situation or are in relationships.”
Sherry met up with her best friend at the end of the service and the two embraced. “Would you and your family like to come over for dinner? I asked my mom earlier,” her friend beamed. Sherry realized this was what all the whispering had been about and eagerly asked her mom about dinner. The lady who had handed her the bulletin made her way over, and gave Sherry a hug, “If you need any baby blankets or toys, I have plenty left over from my kids. I held onto them in case I had another, but I am happy with the three little ones I have running around. Don’t be shy, okay?” So many people came over to offer support and prayer to Sherry and her family. She wished she had gone to church sooner, but she knew that God had put the right people there at the right time. They had likely needed time to forgive her, just as she needed time to forgive herself. She looked over at her boyfriend who was also surrounded by members of the body, sharing God’s love. She just knew that God would bring her through this, in His own way.
—Guilt can eat away at us, and there are people who do not understand God’s forgiveness. However, Satan wants us in that place of wallowing. The world looks so ugly when we are suffering under the guilt of sin. We feel as if everyone is in on what we did, and if they knew they would cast us out. Even a lie that was told can nibble away at your conscience and make you feel as if you are a mess. It is an amazing feeling to have your eyes opened to God’s forgiveness. It is especially amazing to accept His ultimate forgiveness found in His blood shed on the cross. Sin separates us from God, and I know I feel much better when I lay down my pride and ask for His forgiveness and the forgiveness of those who I have hurt or took down with me. I hope you will also find peace in the eye-opening forgiveness of the cross.—
Leave a Reply